It is frightening to lose control of your body in any way. All I have left are a few weak memories, and now it is too late for their boy. I am sorry it took so long to find myself and understand how much I loved them. I wish I had not had to see my mother die slowly of cancer in the little hospital in Eldora, so ruined by life she could no longer suck water from a small ice cube.

I wish I could tell him I am sorry, sorry he died before his time and before we could know each other as adults. My father would have been ninety-one this year. Reprinted by permission of The Free Press/Simon & Schuster Inc.įollowing is an excerpt from Losing My Mind: An Intimate Look at Life with Alzheimer's by Thomas DeBaggio: My long-term memory is left battered trying to find moments of the past is like fishing with a dull, rusting hook without bait.įrom When It Gets Dark by Thomas DeBaggio. The fires of Alzheimer's have nearly destroyed my short-term memory. I wanted to chart this world of memory I've discovered inside my brain but I am beginning the exploration too late. I get angry if a chair is moved in the house. I am at such a tender point in life now that I worry when I head out for the grocery store five blocks away. I need the familiar around me to give me comfort and stability. The real reason we haven't gone anywhere is that I am afraid of getting lost. They have turned out to be as useful, frightening, pleasant and beautiful as anything I could have wished. With the onset of Alzheimer's, I saw new revelations and visited places I had never been. What I have been unable to tell Joyce clearly is that I don't want to wander outside my deteriorating brain. Yet, I hem and haw and roll my head in the sand. It is something I have never done and the idea has an almost irresistible charm. I see a man with Alzheimer's swirl off to play and travel, a last chance to carry on and have fun. Joyce and I have talked several times about taking trips, flying away to happy, interesting foreign lands and unusual places. Following is an excerpt from the book When It Gets Dark, DeBaggio's second book on Alzheimer's:

Losing my mind by thomas debaggio